I don’t mean stuff like their Dad working in a factory and their cat being called Tiddles, or whatever. I mean that period of time between deciding they want to be a musician and starting a band, to the time when they get signed and start having commercial success. It always seems a bit vague, covered in a chapter or two, and makes getting signed look very, very easy. It reminds me of that South Park episode with Underpants Gnomes whose business plan is:

• Phase 1: Collect underpants
• Phase 2: ?
• Phase 3: Profit

It could be translated in this context to:

• Phase 1: Start band
• Phase 2: ?
• Phase 3: Profit

In reality, Phase 2 for musicians is a lot of work, a lot of expense, a lot of playing to eight people in a backstreet pub, and probably not making it as far as Phase 3. Personally, I could write a whole book of my time as an unsigned musician. It’s far from glamorous, there are no drugs or girls, but the banter is immense, and the characters you encounter can be surreal.

The consequence of this is that people who are not involved with music in any capacity beyond reading somebody’s autobiography or biography feel the need to tell unsigned musicians just how easy it is to get signed and what they need to do. They hear you are in a band and have no idea that you need them to get up off their behinds, come to your gigs, and buy your music and merchandise, just to see Phase 3 on the distant horizon. That’s not in the books.

There is of course the chance that I’m the one who has got it completely wrong. Maybe it’s not supposed to be as much fun? Maybe I’m not supposed to be enjoying my time as an unsigned musician so much, and enjoying reflecting on the stories that come out of it. Maybe I’m making a point of enjoying it and cherishing the adventures because of the high improbability of making it to Phase 3.

So why do successful musicians largely ignore their unsigned roots? Is it the lack of glamour and drugs and girls, or did they just not have enough fun to have anything to say about it?

Either way, it would be great to hear more unsigned stories from successful musicians. It could act as a beacon of hope for those in Phase 1 or at least clarify what Phase 2 actually is.

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By Ronan Fitzgerald

Ronan Fitzgerald plays in a band called Nerve Centre and has lots of opinions about unsigned music.